I don't understand, I won't understand this side of Heaven. If I understood I would have no need to search for answers, I would have no need for God. In my doubt, my disbelief, my confusion I search, I listen, I ask God, and I inevitably come closer to Him. I may not receive answers to my questions, but I will find comfort and peace.
When Job spent a year crying out to God, asking for Him to answer why he was afflicted, God spoke. But He didn't answer Job's questions. Instead God reminded Job who He was, and that was enough for him. That should be enough for us. We will still question and doubt, but if we turn our doubts to our Father, He will comfort us, He will bring clarity and wisdom. Not usually in the ways we expect, but He will be present and He will bring His presence. That will be enough for me.
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