Pride and Prejudice

^{Revelations 3:7-13
7} “To the angel of the church in Philadelphia write:

   These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. ⁸ I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name. ⁹ I will make those who are of the synagogue of Satan, who claim to be Jews though they are not, but are liars—I will make them come and fall down at your feet and acknowledge that I have loved you. ¹⁰ Since you have kept my command to endure patiently, I will also keep you from the hour of trial that is going to come on the whole world to test the inhabitants of the earth.
   ¹¹ I am coming soon. Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take your crown. ¹² The one who is victorious I will make a pillar in the temple of my God. Never again will they leave it. I will write on them the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which is coming down out of heaven from my God; and I will also write on them my new name. ¹³ Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches.

After what I’ve been through the last few weeks, I feel I have very little strength to battle, to prepare to teach, or to give anything to anyone.  I just want to find a blanket and cover up, watch a movie, and distract myself from what I know I have to do.  The things God teaches us are great, but the lessons themselves are not easy.

My ears have been muffled, I feel God is not speaking or giving me any leading.  Most of that is earthly distraction, and a lack of desire to get out of bed when He is telling me to.  Does He know how cold its been?  So I find myself without anything to share for my Wednesday night class.  It was Tuesday, I’m getting nervous, and what am I supposed to share.  Okay God, start talking, I’m listening now! 

I begin to question my leadership position.  “God, is this really where you want me?  Do I want to struggle so hard against everything in my earthly life?  It would be so easy to compromise and just do as the world.  There would be no more conflict, and we could be happy.”  What a clever lie from the devil.  First off, I know that God is the only thing that will keep me truly joyful, even if it’s not easy.  It would be even harder without Him. 

Then, as I continued reading into revelations, I came across the letter to Philadelphia.  This was, at first, encouragement, and just what I needed. 

Verse 8:  No man can shut a door that God has opened!  God has opened doors into ministry; no one can get in the way of His plan.  They may make it more unpleasant, but God is ultimately the one who makes this plan, he knows and anticipates every obstacle (even the ones we ourselves produce), He creates a counter balance to everything the world and the devil will try to throw at it.  

The devil can not shut the door on our marriages, or on a happy and settled homes, our jobs, or in any area God has called us to minister.  God has ordained us, our family is part of His plan, and nothing can get in the way of Gods true plan, even if that’s all I can do is hold on.

This is so encouraging!  Verse 8 also sympathizes with our weaknesses from fighting against these obstacles.  God knows this isn’t easy, He allows us times for rest.  In the message it’s phrased “You don't have much strength, I know that; you used what you had to keep my Word. You didn't deny me” Sometimes it takes everything we have to just keep His word, and not deny Him.  Sometimes, that’s all He asks.

⁹"And watch as I take those who call themselves true believers but are nothing of the kind, pretenders whose true membership is in the club of Satan—watch as I strip off their pretensions and they're forced to acknowledge it's you that I've loved.

⁹ I will make those who are of the synagogue of Satan, who claim to be Jews though they are not, but are liars—I will make them come and fall down at your feet and acknowledge that I have loved you.

But verse 9 is where I was really thrown back, and felt that God was really fighting these battles for me.  He isn’t leaving me, my work isn’t unnoticed, and all those who call themselves lovers of God, who turn around and ridicule me, or laugh at me, they will know who God loves.  And you know what’s even better?  I won’t have to do a thing, I will never be in the position of judgement!  Our God is a just God; He would never watch someone smite His child without giving His child a reward and the smiter a just punishment.  Or in this case, a huge dose of humility!

Now this was quite encouraging at first.  But after discussing this in class, I felt so heavy, and condemned.  Why was something that was supposed to encourage me now making me feel like I was missing the mark, and missing it big time?  I hate feeling like this.  Its a moment where you can give up, and say you'll never go back, or its a chance for God to further beautify your soul.  I decided to ask Him what He wanted me to know.

Now, while what I said above is all true.  God will be the judge in the end, He will announce to the world, publicly the ones who he loves, and make the rest bow down before them.  I consider myself the one He loves, but, I'm not the judge.  How easy would it be for me to be the one on my knees.  I have a confidence in my relationship with God that can easily sway to pride.  I am not the judge, and even though I feel God's love and anointing on my life, I can not ignore the fact that I am still a human, and I'm in need of large doses of humility.  Last night, I was the one on my knees, He was showing me who He loves.  And although I'm counted as one of them, I am in NO way more than any other.  Lord, forgive me for becomming familiar with you, for thinking I knew who you were.

This renewed view leaves me clinging to His coat tails, feeling drug across the floor.  I feel like the end of a flag, at the mercy of the wind, being tattered and torn.  But I need to remember, I'm still attached to the pole, even if I feel so far away from it.

 In verse11 He tells me to just keep hanging on so no one can take my crown.  Don't let go of the pole, wave and flow with the spirit, even when it feels wild and dangerous. He is coming, just as fast as He can.  And again, when I’m victorious, He writes His name upon me, and I will never again have to leave His presence.                       

Parental Love

I kind of have an idea of how the Grinch might have felt the day his heart grew two sizes.  Lately, as I watch my kids, my heart swells with love for them.  I have no words to describe this feeling or emotion, there is nothing else like it.  It doesn't happen when my kids do something amazing, or something that would merit great pride from a parent.  Its usually the little things they do every day that seem to awe me more.  Things like the little Patrick (from Sponge Bob) imitation Will does, the giggle Ella has developed over the last few weeks, or when I find Jack reading to one of his siblings, or not getting frustrated over a situation.

I imagine this is how our Heavenly Father feels about us.  His heart swells with love for us, and not because of the tremendous ministries we serve in, but because of the daily life and love we choose to walk in, because of who He created us to be.  By just breathing, He is delighting in you.  I love how being a parent shines a whole new light on your relationship with your own heavenly Father.  Things become clearer then they had ever been, and you suddenly begin to understand.

Extraodinary Worship

So much of my time feels wasted.  I feel like I could do so much more for God if I only had more time to work with.  I spend so much time doing laundry, dishes, cooking, and daily tasks, that I rarely have time to just sit with Him, and to marvel at His beauty.  I find myself longing to be in His presence, and upset when my days become busier then I'd like. 

My life feels vaguely ordinary, what am I doing different than the "world"?  Every parenting magazine gives you pointers on how to care and discipline your child better, every home magazine tells you how to cook a better meal, how to get a deeper clean, or even how to "love your man."  If these are all the things the world is already doing, that the world is teaching, how is my life any different? 

I came upon a revelation over the last week; Nothing is ordinary when you are doing it for God.  Matthew 10:42 says: And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones who is my disciple, truly I tell you, that person will certainly not lose their reward.”

Everything I do is an opportunity for worship, as long as I am doing it unto the Lord. That is what sets me apart from the world, its the nature of the worker, the intent of my spirit that makes all the difference.

It is critical that I maintain my time with God, this encourages my spirit to continue on this journey. These times of worship with God are easy to see as worship, and so much easier to feel His presence. But it is imperative that I see every moment of my life as an opportunity to bless others, to move in the spirit, and at the same time, bless the Lord.

I'm so excited to be able to have this new revelation. I pray that I become more sensitive to His voice, so that I can go out into my world and bless others, to say kind words, to seize every moment, and to take His spirit with. Whether I'm doing laundry, mopping floors, smiling at the cashier at the store, or laying hands on the sick.




Its time we begin seeing our whole life as a ministry, and not just our acts of worship in "church" or in our private time with God. This has certainly opened up a whole new reality to me.

Who Loves You?

 Continuing on my quest for lasting identity and value has brought me to a book by Mike Bickle.  Seven longings of the Human heart.  (Thank you Angela.)  Some of the lines are from this book and expounded upon by my heart.  I finally feel like I'm beginning to understand what and who I am, which can only be found in a relationship with Jesus.

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Our lives have value and importance specifically because God enjoys us.  We are defined by the one who pursues us.  Our identity is born out of love from the one who loves us. We are not just the sum total of what we accomplish, or what we have to offer others.  Our success is measured solely by the fact that Jesus values and desires us.  There is nothing more I can do to be come more important or more valuable.  My identity is not what I do or what I offer, but its more about who loves me.  Remember identity will always be based on who we are to others, to those around us.  If this is true, then who are you to God? How does this place your value and your identity?

My husband and I often say that an objects value is only worth as much as anyone is willing to pay.  This dictates a lot of our economy, our home prices, listing prices on EBay, oil, ECT…  Now if we take that concept and apply to our value, how is it figured?  How much would someone be willing to pay for you?  This is far beyond a monetary figure.  How much was God willing to pay for you?  He spent as much as He could.  He gave everything He had for you, His Son.  Would he spend so much on a broken down car or a condemned house.  I think not.

The fact that He enjoys us answers the greatest need of our hearts.  When we comprehend and accept this truth, our hearts are set on fire.  When our hearts know we can be fully known by God and still be enjoyed by him something powerful happens.  God already sees you for everything you are and everything you are not, you are not hiding anything, and He is still willing and more than happy to pay a great amount for you.

This truth will begin to feed your confidence, knowing there is a God out there who cares so deeply for me, who will fight for me, this truth will grow your faith.  You will begin to lean more on Him, and have a greater understanding of His heart towards you.  What would you do for God if you knew you would not fail?  If you are truly serving the God who loves you THAT much, He would never let you fail at what He has called you to do.  Have faith in that.  What kind of confidence does it give you to know that He has your back like that? 

Look right in front of you, you are probably already living out the assignment God has called you to do.  Most of us are looking for a more "important" role.  This is fed by our society and will be a losing battle if you choose to fight it that way.  Take the assignment God has called you to, small or large, and know that no matter what you do, who you are is solely based on the one who loves you.  And when you have a God that big loving you, you are already a Rock Star!