I just passed up an opportunity to take Jack to a birthday party and have 2 hours to do whatever I wanted to do without any kids! What was I thinking. At first, I thought it would be a gracious move on my part, let my husband out of the house to peruse the stores he wants. Now I'm left home, again, like I am everyday, and feeling sorry for myself.
Why do I do this to myself? Why do I feel the need to torture myself? Why do I feel I don't deserve it? There has to be something desirable within me, but I have a hard time seeing it. For my entire life I've had it drilled into my head that I'm "unworthy, unlovable, less than, and a sinner/" While this is true in a certain context, God loves us when we don't deserve it, we are the Harlot, and He is Hosea. It is also dangerous, and very easy to move these titles into other areas where they do not apply.
The image we hold of our Christian selves is supposed to be humble. The definition of humble can be varying. Any where from meekness and lack of pride, to having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience. For a lot of us, we end up taking all of these forms of humility. The good with the bad, and this leaves us heart broken and depressed.
Now, why would the God of the universe take so much effort in pursuing me if I was worth nothing? Its like taking the fairy tail of Cinderella and letting prince Charming take the wicked step sister, the mean, ugly one that has no manners; all because he is good and he feels sorry for her. God doesn't pursue us because He feels sorry for us. He pursues us because He sees the value and the true worth of us. He pursues us because we are worth everything, we are worth so much He sacrificed His own son.
Its time for me to start seeing myself the way God has seen me all along. I'm his daughter, He has renamed me. I just need to start using the same name He has given me. I'm worth it. Not in an "its all about me", but in true humility. The lack of pride humility, the one that will allow me enjoy a gift from God without feeling guilty, the one that will be able take the time for myself, and enjoy all the beauty God created for me.
Yes you are right.. It is very on topic of what we talked about yesterday. And I finally wore my coat for the first time today and I feel like it was made for me! I love it. Anyway you should read 1 Peter 1:3-4 I think it is. I was reading it today and thought it related to the topic as well.
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